


A Triple-Sided Blade

by SingingInTheRaiin



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: (not by his choice though), Angst, CSI Barry Allen, Criminal Barry Allen, Gen, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Joe did not adopt Barry, M/M, No Major Character Death, Not A Happy Ending, break ups, but not here, but this is where it went, idk where I was going with this, starts pre-show, weird because i usually love writing happy endings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-12
Updated: 2020-02-12
Packaged: 2021-02-28 01:07:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,069
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22685230
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SingingInTheRaiin/pseuds/SingingInTheRaiin
Summary: Barry and Len are dating long before Barry gets hit by lightning, but can their relationship survive as they end up on opposite sides of the law?
Relationships: Barry Allen/Leonard Snart
Comments: 16
Kudos: 83





	A Triple-Sided Blade

Barry kissed Len on the cheek as he tried to slip out of bed, but Len reached out to wrap his arms around Barry’s waist, and tugged him back down with a steely grip. Barry groaned, though they both knew that he wasn’t actually upset. “Come on, you know that I need to get to work.”

Len let out a low growl that didn’t have any actual words in it, though the meaning was quite clear. He pulled Barry closer to him, and pressed them together so that their entire bodies were touching, with his arms like a cage trapping Barry in place.

Barry laughed, and after an extreme amount of wiggling and squirming around, managed to break free. “Need I remind you that you won’t have an inside man anymore if I lose my job?” 

“Mm, there’s certainly a bad joke to be made there,” Len grumbled, voice still deep and rumbly with sleep. 

Barry shook his head as he scooped up a cleanish pair of jeans off the floor and grabbed a shirt and underwear from the dresser. “I’m going to go take a shower, you are forbidden from joining me, and then I am going to work. One of us needs to make a legal living.”

That earned a loud snort from Len, but he held his hands up in surrender as he rolled onto his back. “Alright, alright, get ready for your completely legal job.”

It was easy to understand where the amusement in Len’s voice came from. Though Barry worked as a CSI for the CCPD, he wasn’t exactly a model citizen. After his mom died and his dad went to jail for the murder, the only person who’d been willing to adopt Barry had been Joe West, a family friend and police detective. But at the time he’d already been struggling to raise his daughter as a single father, on top of the fact that he had been one of the officers on Henry Allen’s case, left social services declaring that he wouldn’t be a good fit for Barry. 

He ended up stuck in an orphanage for a while, and then the first family that fostered him turned out to be made up of very bad people. But nobody had believed him. They all thought that he was still just telling stories, the same way he had when his father had been arrested. There were no physical injuries, so Barry had no proof that he’d been mistreated. 

Unwilling to be stuck with that awful family, Barry had packed his things and taken off on his own, hitting the streets at just twelve years old. Because he was small and unassuming, pretty much everybody underestimated him, which made it shockingly easy to take what he needed and get away with it. Still, it wasn’t an easy life, and Barry was constantly worried about getting arrested or starving in some back alley.

He survived on his own for nearly an entire year before he met the Snarts. Len had been wary of the young boy, but Lisa had been delighted by him, since she had so few friends around her own age (though she was still a couple years older than Barry). After a lot of pleading, Lewis had agreed that Barry could stay with them, provided that Barry could pull his own weight. 

Lewis Snart was no better than the family Barry had run away from, but he quickly grew to love Lisa and Len, so he was determined to stay. And when Lewis got himself a jail stay even longer than the previous ones, Len stepped up to take care of both Lisa and Barry. Barry did his best to help, though, because he knew it wasn’t fair for all of the work to be put on Len. 

They grew closer over the years, though Barry couldn’t pinpoint any specific moment that he’d realized he was in love with Len. He would always remember the day he’d confessed, though. He’d gotten shot while they were in the middle of a heist, and later, when he was bandaged up and loopy on stolen pain meds, he’d told Len how much he loved him. Len hadn’t said anything back, but the next time Barry woke up completely sober, he repeated the sentiments, and Len had finally admitted he felt the same. 

They’d been together ever since then, and life was good. There was a unique thrill that came from doing jobs with Len and occasionally Lisa or Mick, Len’s best friend, but Barry had always felt a calling for science. So he’d forged enough papers to get into community college, got himself a degree, and then looked for a job he could be qualified for. 

When he’d seen the opening for a CSI position at the same precinct Joe worked out, Barry had felt like it was surely destiny, and he’d immediately applied for the job. A few days before his interview was scheduled, he had gone to Joe’s house, to visit for the first time in nearly a decade. 

There had been lots of hugs and tears once Barry explained who he was, and in the end, Barry hadn’t had the heart to tell Joe what kind of life he’d been living, so he listed off the same lies that were on his resume. He said that his family had been caring, but that they’d moved away from Central City, leaving Barry with no way to stay in touch with the Wests. He said that they’d died a few years back and Barry had returned, but had felt like it would be awkward to reach out after so much time apart. Then Barry said that he’d applied for the CSI job, and Joe assured him he would vouch for him with the captain if needed. 

Needless to say, Barry had gotten the job, had gotten someone who clearly wanted to be a father figure to him, and had gotten a way to keep Len out of jail, so long as he was careful. He enjoyed the puzzle that came from solving crimes just as much as he enjoyed the puzzle of keeping Len in the clear, and even though Barry had to constantly juggle between the two sides of his life (not even the other crooked cops in the precinct knew that Barry was crooked too), the past couple of years had been quite nice. Going supposedly legit had also given him access to his father’s case file, and Barry still hoped to clear Henry Allen’s name someday. 

Barry shook away thoughts of the past when he realized that the water had gotten cold, and he turned off the shower and quickly dried off and got dressed. He went back into the bedroom and saw that Len had already gotten up, so he headed to the kitchen. As he got closer, he could smell the frying bacon, and his stomach let out a loud growl. 

He scarfed down the breakfast that Len set down in front of him, and then gave Len a quick peck on the lips before grabbing his jacket and heading out. Barry knew that he had a bad tendency to always be late, but in his defense, it was nearly always Len’s fault. 

Barry got to the precinct, and Yvette at the front desk laughed when she saw him. “You’re already needed on the streets, Allen.” 

He cursed under his breath, and then did an immediate about-face, smacking right into the chest of another officer. “Watch where you’re going, Allen.” 

Barry babbled out an apology before squeezing into the elevator just before the doors slid shut. He made his way to the crime scene, and was grateful to Joe trying to help excuse his lateness, even if it had been such a flimsy excuse that he was sure nobody actually bought it. 

After work, Barry headed to the West house, where Iris would be waiting for him so that they could head out to dinner together. They’d been best friends when they were kids, and it had been surprisingly easy to fall right back into that same groove. They had made sure to get together at least once a week ever since Barry had come back into Iris’ life, and Barry always enjoyed his time with her. Well, almost always, anyways. 

As they waited for their food, Iris tilted her head to give Barry a searching look, and then raised one eyebrow. “So am I ever going to get to meet her?”

Barry furrowed his eyebrows. “Who?”

Iris giggled, and then nodded towards Barry’s neck. “Whoever leaves you with such a bounce in your step, and so many marks on your neck.”

Barry immediately reached up to slap a hand against the side of his neck, as if that could somehow undo what Iris might have already seen. He cringed as he realized that Joe and the captain and everyone else must’ve seen the marks too, and he swore that he’d figure out a way to get Len back for this. “Ah, it’s- it’s complicated.”

“Can I at least get a name?”

Iris had always been tenacious, which is why it had made so much sense when Barry learned that she wanted to become a reporter. But that didn’t make it any easier on him when he was the subject of her interrogations. He knew that he had to give her something, though, or else she’d just keep pushing. “His name is Len.” That wasn’t enough to find any police reports on him, but he should have known that it also wouldn’t be enough to sat Iris’ curiosity.

Her eyebrows both shot upwards. “Wait, you’re actually seriously seeing someone? I was just messing with you because of the hickies, I didn’t think you were actually in a relationship. Why didn’t you tell me? How long have you been together? I need all of the details, Barry!”

Barry laughed as he reached up to awkwardly scratch at the back of his neck. “It’s uh, it’s pretty serious. We’ve been together for a while now. I think we got together when I was about eighteen or so? It was only a little while before I started college.”

Iris let out an undignified little squeak. “You mean to tell me that you’ve been in a relationship for nearly seven years now, and you never thought to say anything? To me or Dad or anyone else?” 

Barry shrugged, and honestly, it was probably something of a miracle that this had never come up before. “I’ve mentioned that I live with someone.”

“Yeah, but I just assumed you meant a roommate, not a boyfriend! Come on, tell me everything, please?” 

Luckily, Barry was saved by the arrival of their food, and once they were finished eating, he made his excuses to rush off. He knew that Iris wasn’t going to drop it now that she knew, but he wanted to talk to Len and figure out a solid cover story that they could use that wouldn’t result in either of them getting arrested. And there was also a small part of him that found it just a little amusing to let Iris sweat for now.  
,,,

Len rolled his eyes as he hung up his parka. “Come on, I went through all the trouble of getting you a nice present, and you’re not even going to put out?”

Barry snorted as he finished tying his shoes. “I told you ages ago that I’d be going with Iris to see the particle accelerator today. Do you even realize what a huge deal this is?”

“Well, I’m assuming that you won’t be sitting in the VIP section, so there can’t be anything that great.”

Barry rolled his eyes. “Life isn’t just about stealing everything that isn’t nailed down. This is revolutionary technology, and I’m so excited to see it. And maybe I’ll even get the chance to actually meet Harrison Wells!”

Barry knew his boyfriend well enough to know that he wasn’t actually irritated even as he let out a loud huff and sank down onto the side of the bed, jostling Barry slightly. “Should I be jealous that you sound so excited to meet this guy?”

Barry finished with his shoe, and then twisted around and leaned over to give Len a long kiss that made it very clear there was nothing to be jealous about. Then he pulled away and got to his feet, stretching his arms up to listen to the satisfying cracking noises that came from his shoulders and back. “I don’t know when I’ll be back. Iris is smart, but this isn’t her area of expertise, so it might take a little while to explain everything afterwards.” He gave Len one last kiss, and then left the bedroom, grabbing his jacket from the hook next to the door before leaving the apartment. 

The next few hours seemed to pass by in something of a blur. There was the massive disappointment that came when the accelerator didn’t work, and then there was the part where someone tried to steal Iris’ bag but Barry hadn’t been able to stop them. Iris made sure Barry was alright, and then took off with the detective who’d stopped the thief so that she could buy him a coffee to show her gratitude. Barry would definitely use that as ammunition if she tried to bring up Len again in the future.

Then Barry went to the lab. He could just go home and work out his frustration with Len, but he suddenly felt in the mood to go over all of his notes about Henry’s case. He hadn’t been by Iron Heights to visit his dad in a while, and it made his heart ache that even now it was so difficult to see his father. But he tried not to visit too often, because he didn’t want there to be any chance of Lewis Snart figuring out the connection between little orphan Barry and Doc Henry. He didn’t know what would happen in that case, but he didn’t think that it could be anything good. 

When he got lost in his work like this, it was easy for Barry to lose track of time. It was much later by the time he noticed a few missed texts from Len and one from Iris. He was distracted from answering them, though, when he felt a strange shiver run down his spine, and then he watched with wide eyes as various liquids rose up out of their beakers, and floated in the air. 

He wanted to investigate, but then there was a loud crack, and he remembered hearing the sound of glass raining down around him, and it felt like someone was trying to brand him, and then- then there was nothing.   
,,,

When Barry woke up, it was to the sound of some weird sounding pop song, and he could hear two strangers arguing about whether he’d like it or not. He let out a soft groan, which shut them up as they hurried over to him. “What happened?” 

The answer to that question wasn’t a simple one. It involved lightning and the particle accelerator blowing up, and somehow gaining abs after nine months of being comatose. Barry found it difficult to pay attention to any of that, though, because he felt itchy with restlessness, and he just needed to move, to go somewhere, anywhere.

He took a cab home, courtesy of Dr. Snow, and was dressed in his complimentary STAR Labs t-shirt and sweatpants, and rushed up the stairs to the apartment. He didn’t have his keys or phone on him, but he knocked loudly on the door and hoped that Len would be around. 

There was no answer, though, and Barry wondered if he was better off waiting here for Len to return, breaking in, or just checking out all of Len’s safehouses to try and find the man. Well, he didn’t have the money to get all around the city, and this wasn’t the best neighborhood to just be hanging around in. So that settled it, then. 

Then he realized why this wasn’t a viable option, either. The lock was a thick deadbolt that he wouldn’t be able to kick down, and Barry didn’t have any tools on him that could be used to pick the lock. Out of ideas, Barry sank down to the ground with his back up against the door, and he pulled his knees up to his chest. It had been a hell of a day, and he could still barely comprehend the idea that he’d missed out on nearly an entire year while everyone else had just kept on going. It seemed so impossible, and yet the multiple newspapers and online searches Cisco had provided were proof enough.

Barry wasn’t sure how long he sat there until he heard something heavy thud to the ground, and he jerked his head up to see Lisa standing at the top of the stairwell. “Barry, is that really you? What the hell are you doing here?”

He scrambled to his feet. “I live here, don’t I?”

Lisa rushed forward, ignoring the heavy sounding bag that she’d dropped, and immediately pulled Barry into a hug. “You were asleep for so long, we all figured you were as good as dead. Len’s been a mess this whole time, and he’s- well. Technically he doesn’t have any connection to you, and neither do I. So even though we’re family, we had no way to visit. It’s been torture not knowing anything other than what was in the papers and what Len could read from your chart when he broke into the hospital in the beginning. Don’t you dare ever do that to us again, you hear?”

Barry laughed even as he felt his eyes water up. “Can’t make any promises. You know what a trouble magnet I am.” Then he finally pulled away so that he could give Lisa a careful look. She didn’t seem like she’d changed much since he’d last seen her, though he wasn’t sure whether that was a good sign or not. “Where’s Len?”

Lisa’s shoulders slumped down. “He’s at the safehouse on Moren right now. He hasn’t been back here in months. I come by every once and a while to make sure the place doesn’t fall apart, but he said he couldn’t stand to live here without you. You look like you could use a lift.”

“Please.” He got into Lisa’s car (it had been an old junker that she and Mick had fixed up together), and rode along in silence until they reached the place where Barry would finally get to see Len again. And if he thought that it had been a while for him, he could only imagine what it had felt like for Len, having to wait nine months. If they hadn’t already been together for so long, he might’ve been afraid that Len had moved on, but as it was, his relationship was one of the few things in his life that Barry still felt secure about at the moment. 

As soon as they were parked, Barry rushed up to the front door, but then he had to wait impatiently for Lisa to catch up, because he didn’t have his keys to any of the houses. Maybe he should’ve asked Lisa to let him into the apartment to get changed and grab a few things first, but finding Len had felt like too much of a priority. 

Lisa unlocked the front door, and then Barry rushed inside. It was one of the more spacious safehouses, with multiple separate rooms, but Len generally sat in the living room when he was here, so that’s where Barry went. And sure enough, Len was leaning back on the couch, snorting at something Mick was in the middle of saying. 

Mick was in a chair facing the doorway, so he saw Barry first, and cut himself off mid-sentence. “Kid!” 

Because he was technically the youngest of the group, Mick had always affectionately called him Kid, and Len knew it. He whirled around angrily, like he was ready to chew Mick out for playing some kind of prank on him, but then he froze when he saw Barry standing there. 

They both rushed forward at the same time, and wrapped their arms around each other, squeezing each other tightly like neither of them ever wanted to let go. Barry was vaguely aware of Lisa grabbing Mick’s arm to tug him out of the room (though knowing her, they’d still stay somewhere within earshot), but he mostly just focused on Len, who felt solid and warm and real. 

When they finally pulled apart, they both sank down onto the couch, arms tangled together. “I’ve missed you,” Len said softly, embarrassed as ever to talk about real feelings. 

“I didn’t mean to stay away for so long,” Barry said softly. “I’ll try to leave a note next time I get hit by lightning.”

“There isn’t going to be a next time,” Len growled.

Barry let out a soft laugh. “What are you going to do, fight the weather?”

Len shrugged one shoulder. “If I have to.” Barry wanted to roll his eyes at the ridiculousness, but he couldn’t deny that the protectiveness in Len’s voice filled Barry with warmth. “So tell me everything that I’ve missed.”  
,,,

After Barry caught up with Lisa and Mick, he dragged Len back to their home. As much as he appreciated the safehouses for keeping his boyfriend and family safe, none of them actually felt like home the way their apartment did. He also wanted to be able to put on some clothes that were actually his, as much as he appreciated what Cisco had given him. 

Barry scrubbed himself off thoroughly in the shower to try and get rid of the smell of the generic soap he’d showered with at STAR Labs, and to replace it with the familiar scents that he associated with Len, and with home. Then he and Len fell into bed together, and just held each other close. 

The next morning, Len was even grumpier than usual when Barry got up to get ready for work. “I want to make sure that I still have my job.”

“You’ve been unconscious for nine months, I’m sure your boss will cut you a break.” He paused, and then narrowed his eyes as he gave Barry a considering look. “You know, you are moving around surprisingly well for someone whose muscles should be atrophied to hell.”

Barry shrugged. “Must be good genes. Did you see this?” He lifted his shirt to show off his abs. “Clearly comas are a better workout routine than anyone gives them credit for.” The look on Len’s face showed that he was clearly not amused. “Sorry, sorry, too soon, I get it. But seriously, I do need to get to work. And I haven’t gotten the chance to talk to Joe or Iris yet either, I just came straight here yesterday.”

Len scowled, though he couldn’t hide that he was pleased to be the first person Barry had wanted to see after waking up. “Fine, go and talk to everyone, but I don’t think you should be back full time. Not yet, anyways.”

“Alright, I can accept that. I’ll see if we can work something out with me going just for emergency crime scenes or something.” He started to go, but then Len reached out to gently grab his wrist. He reached up to brush his fingers over the spot on Barry’s shoulder where there should have been a starburst scar. “Swear to me that you won’t do anything foolish.”

Barry nodded. “I promise.” Then he gave Len a passionate kiss before taking off. It would be good to see Iris and Joe, and everyone else at the station. He could only imagine how much might have changed in the past nine months, though he was also a little bit afraid to find out. What if everyone had moved on and didn’t need him anymore? 

But he shouldn’t have been so worried about it. Joe gave him a big bear hug as soon as he spotted Barry, and then when he let go, Barry could see the older man’s teary eyes. “It’s good to see you out and about. I visited you in the hospital everyday, but once Wells suggested transferring you to his place, and the hospital agreed, I couldn’t see you as often. Something about him not wanting to have too many people stomping around in his labs. There was nothing I could do about it, though, since I don’t have any legal connection to you. Barry… you don’t have to decide now, and you won’t hurt my feelings if you don’t want to, but would you consider making me your health care proxy? I’d just feel so much better knowing that if anything else were to happen, I’d be able to- well.” 

Barry was honestly touched by the offer. He offered Joe a fond smile. “That sounds like a good idea. It’s- it’s strange to think that in another life you might have been my dad, huh?”

Joe sighed. “Yeah. But you turned out alright even without my help.”

Barry almost said that he still wished Joe could have been part of his life, but he thought it would seem like an almost cruel thing to say, since neither of them could go back and change the past, and Barry knew that Joe still blamed himself for not being good enough for the state to hand Barry over to him back then. “Well I’m glad to have your help now,” he said instead. 

They exchanged another hug, and then Barry headed into Captain Singh’s office. They had a brief chat, where it was decided that starting next week, Barry would come in on a case by case basis for an indeterminate amount of time. He was assured that his lab had been properly cleaned and fixed up and was just waiting for him to use it.

After grabbing a few things from his lab, Barry called Iris, and she was overjoyed to hear from him. They quickly made plans to meet up at Jitters, and Barry rushed to get there. It was really nice to see Iris again. He would probably never be as close to her as he was to his other friends, if only because he’d never be able to tell her about the shadier parts of his life, but she was still a good friend, and he could tell that she’d genuinely missed him and been worried about him.

The strangest thing, though, was when someone tripped, and their coffee was about to go spilling out all across the floor. As Barry watched, it suddenly seemed like the world was moving in slow motion, and it felt like the cup was just frozen in midair for a minute, and then took ages to fall down. As soon as it hit the ground and the lid popped off, everything went back to moving at normal speed, and Barry did his best to brush that weirdness aside. It had probably just been some kind of weird post-coma dream thing, and there was no point in worrying Iris by asking if she’d seen it too.

As much as Barry loved catching up with Iris, and learning all about how she’d been dating Joe’s newest partner, by the time he left Jitters he felt exhausted and just wanted to go home. And then suddenly his legs were moving without permission, and before Jon could even think about it, he was right in front of the apartment building, and his shoes appeared to be slightly on fire, as well as his jacket. 

It was probably the third most bizarre thing to ever happen to him (the first being when a streak of yellow lightning killed his mom, the second being when he himself got hit by lightning), but just a quick glance at his phone proved that he hadn’t somehow blacked out and gotten home, but that he’d actually just made it here in under a minute. It shouldn’t be possible, but how could Barry deny it? 

He started to head into the building, but then paused. It couldn’t really be a coincidence that Barry had been struck by lightning and then moved that fast, so whatever was going on, it had to be connected to STAR Labs. He gave a longing look towards the stairwell, then sent Len a quick text saying he’d be home a bit later than he thought. Of course he would tell Len everything, but to do that, he needed to actually know what ‘everything’ entailed. 

So he headed to STAR Labs, and this time, was more aware of the movement. It wasn’t like teleportation where he just went from one spot to the next, it was like running, except he felt like he had endless amounts of energy, and when he stopped to look around, it seemed like the whole world had been paused. 

He ran into the main lab, and came to an abrupt halt, though he wasn’t as good at stopping as he was at starting, and ended up slamming into a wall. When he got up, he saw Dr. Snow and Cisco both staring at him with wide eyes, and he let out an awkward laugh. “So… you guys wouldn’t happen to know anything about this, would you?”  
,,,

Barry finally got home after what seemed like an eternity of being poked and prodded at, and he kept looking down at his arm in amazement. It had been broken a couple of hours ago, but now it was just a bit stiff and sore. He was some kind of miracle of science, or freak of nature. Either way, it was awesome. Barry had never cared much for running before (other than constantly running late), but now running felt so exhilarating, and he wanted to just keep running around forever.

When he got into the apartment, he found that it was empty, but there was a note on his pillow from Len saying that dinner was in the fridge and that he’d be back in a day or two. Barry figured that Len had gone on a job to work out some of his own restlessness, but hadn’t wanted Barry to come along because he was supposed to be healing still. 

It was never as easy to fall asleep when he was alone in the bed, but Barry was not so clingy that he couldn’t do it. When he woke up, he was still alone, so he threw together a quick breakfast and then ran to STAR Labs. Cisco showed off the suit that would hopefully not burn up at high speeds, and Barry practiced running around for a little while longer. 

As he dashed through the city, he heard Cisco’s voice in his ear. “Uh, dude, you’re a cop, right?”

“Uh, a CSI, but yeah, technically I guess. Why?”

He heard a whoosh of air as Cisco exhaled over the comm before speaking. “I may or may not have a police scanner here saying that there’s a robbery going down at the Upper Union Bank. I know that you haven’t exactly had a lot of time to train with your speed or anything, but it is your job to enforce the law, so I thought maybe you could-?”

“Already there,” Barry interrupted as he pulled up in front of the bank. He hesitated before going inside, though. It wasn’t that vigilantism was illegal, since he clearly had no issues with breaking the law, but he’d never actually done anything good without some kind of compensation. He trusted that the crew at STAR Labs wouldn’t tell anyone about him, but what if they stopped trusting him because he refused to what they saw as the obvious right thing?

Then he heard a loud scream from inside, and Barry ran in before he could think about it. No matter what else he’d done, he’d always been very careful to never hurt any innocent people, and if the robbers in there weren’t going to show the same courtesy, then it made sense to get them locked up to save lives, and also to stop them from getting in Len’s way on some future job. 

The first guy with a gun that he saw was wearing a mask, but Barry moved quickly and was able to disarm, unmask, and tie the man up within a matter of seconds. It was nobody that he recognized, and he’d met a lot of Len’s underground contacts before.

Barry quickly took down the other two robbers that had been in the lobby holding everyone at gunpoint, and then told the hostages to all flee. He could hear the sirens outside of the police showing up, and he knew that they’d all be fine. Then he went further into the bank, and saw someone else being held at gunpoint as they typed a code in to open the vault. The problem was that the person holding the gun was wearing an all too familiar parka, and Barry felt like he was going to be sick. What was he even doing here? Getting in Len’s way? Acting like he was so self-righteous for saving everyone when Len generally had a no killing innocents policy as well? 

He must have made some kind of noise, because Len quickly whirled around, and then grabbed at the manager and held the gun to the side of the man’s neck. “Now this is new. I’m sure I’d remember if one of those people out there had been wearing such a lovely little getup.”

Barry was wearing his mask, and apparently it was enough to keep Len from recognizing him. But there’s no way Len wouldn’t know his voice. He cleared his throat once, and then got the brilliant idea to vibrate his vocal cords, as well as the rest of himself. It was like running really fast, but just doing it while standing in one place. If the situation was different, Barry would probably take the time to be excited about this ability, but right now, he was busy staring at the man who he’d been dating for the past seven- no, eight years now, and who had saved him from dying alone on the streets. “Let him go, and you and I can talk.”

Even with the goggles on, Barry could tell that Len rolled his eyes at that. “And what makes you the authority in this situation?”

Instead of answering, Barry just ran forward, grabbed the manager, and brought him outside to where the other hostages were all talking to the police. He dropped the man off, and then after a moment of hesitation, he left the scene. His mind was practically racing faster than his body. Surely Len wouldn’t have actually hurt that guy, right? But there were so many jobs he went on that he insisted Barry stay behind. What went on that he didn’t want Barry to see? 

He was vaguely aware of Cisco asking him what had happened, but Barry reached up to turn off the comm. He ran back to STAR Labs, changed into his normal clothes, and then left again without stopping to talk to anybody. He just needed some time to think.   
,,,

Barry was pacing across the apartment when Len finally got home. Len hung up his jacket and goggles, and then sauntered over to Barry. “You look tense. Anything I can do to help?” he asked with a dirty leer.

Barry grabbed Len by the shoulders, and looked his boyfriend in the eyes. He needed to know the truth. Would Len have hurt that innocent man, or had it just been a bluff? And did that change anything? Barry already knew that Len had taken lives before; it was a necessary part of the life that they lived. But it was always the lives of rotten people who posed a threat, not innocent civilians. 

He decided that he needed to test the waters before he admitted that he’d been the one to mess up Len’s heist plans earlier. “What have you been up to?”

Len just shrugged. “Oh, a couple of small jobs, nothing important.” 

Why wasn’t he mentioning that one had gone wrong? Was it to avoid worrying Barry, or was there something else? “It’s been a while since I’ve gone out with you. I know I have to be more careful because of my day job, but still, I miss it. We should plan a date for just you and me.”

Len gave him a long look, and then shook his head. “You still need to rest, Barr. Besides, we’re not exactly in desperate need at the moment. Let’s just take some time to relax and be together, huh?”

Barry blinked once, and his shoulders slumped down. He still loved Len, of course he did. He was pretty sure that that was something that would never change. But while Barry had been sleeping, something had certainly shifted. Barry knew that Len would never intentionally hurt him, but still. He made the decision to keep his new power to himself. Len would just want to use it to commit crimes more efficiently, but Barry kept hearing that person’s scream in his head, and he knew that he was going to use it for more than that. He was going to be a hero. But that was fine, there was no reason at all for one of them to interfere with the other. It would work, because it had to.  
,,,

Barry quickly learned that he wasn’t the only member of the city’s criminal element to gain superpowers. Honestly, it was rather convenient that none of the other metas had caused problems while Barry was in his coma, but he wasn’t going to complain about it. 

Some days were thoroughly exhausting as Barry struggled to balance his life as Barry Allen the CSI, the Flash, and Barry the thief. But the other days were just incredible, as Barry raced around, broke every record he set, and stopped those who were trying to hurt others. Days where he went out on date nights with Len in seedy parts of town where they weren’t likely to encounter anyone Barry knew through work, and lighting bonfires with Mick, and going shopping with Lisa (whether they actually paid for the goods or not entirely depended on their mood). He still met with Iris at least once a week, and enjoyed growing closer to Joe when they worked together at the precinct. Cisco and Caitlin turned out to be pretty cool to spend time with, and it was nice to have people he could babble at in ‘geek’ and be fully understood. All in all, it was a good life, and even if Barry ran himself thin sometimes, it didn’t matter because he had super healing. 

Maybe the fact that he was so happy was the reason that it all inevitably had to start to crash down, but it didn’t all fall down at once. That would have been too easy to see coming. Instead, his life broke apart piece by piece, and Barry was too oblivious to notice it all. 

Barry went out to stop a robbery in progress, and of course it had to be Len who was responsible. He’d been going out on jobs more and more often lately, and while it gave Barry more time to run around as the Flash, it was still worrisome. But he didn’t just have his usual guns and ammo. This time, he had a gun that shot out ice, and when it hit Barry, it hurt more than anything else had in weeks. Len got away, and two people were dead, and Barry felt like he’d never be able to warm himself up again. 

He hurried back to STAR Labs, still faster than humanly possible, but a lot slower than he was usually capable of, and Caitlin was quick to grab her bag of medical supplies and order him to strip. Cisco had a sheepish look on his face as he revealed where Len had gotten the gun from. “I can’t believe you made a weapon to stop me,” Barry grumbled. “Don’t you trust me?” Though maybe that was an unfair question, all things considered. 

Barry knew that he couldn’t go home until he recovered fully, so he stuck around at the labs, and ran on the treadmill to try and warm himself up. When he was satisfied that his middle no longer felt like it was frozen solid, he went home. Len wasn’t there, but that made sense. He always went straight to a safehouse after a job, and then would return to the apartment once he was sure that there was no one on his tail. 

As Barry tried to focus on papers for work, his phone went off and he answered immediately without even checking the name, grateful for the distraction. “Hello?”

“Uh, hi Barry.” It was Iris, and he wondered why she sounded so nervous. “Please don’t be mad but I wanted to get Dad off my back when he found out about Eddie, so I told him that you’re seeing someone, and he’s definitely going to contact you soon, and he wants to have a dinner party where we both come and bring our significant others.”

Barry sighed, and reached up to rub at the side of his head. “Of course he does. Look, I’m not really sure that Len’s the type to do dinner parties.” Neither of them were, honestly, but Barry could at least fake it for an evening. “I just don’t think-”

Iris cut him off. “At least let him ask, alright? And Barry, for what it’s worth, there may have been a few years where we were apart, but I still think of you like a brother, and I want you to be happy. If you can’t even introduce your boyfriend to Joe…”

Barry sighed, and tried to mentally calculate the chances that a) Len would even be willing to go to such an event, and b) that Joe wouldn’t somehow recognize Len and immediately arrest him. “I’ll let him offer,” Barry finally agrees. “But I’m not making any promises.” Then he chatted with Iris for a few minutes longer before hanging up. 

Sure enough, it was less than an hour later before Barry’s phone buzzed against the table when Joe called. “Barry, now why is it that I had to hear from Iris that you have apparently been in a relationship for years?”

“Hello to you too, Joe. My day’s been just peachy, how’s your been?” Joe just waited patiently, though, and Barry sighed. “I suppose it just never came up.”

Joe scoffed. “Well I want to meet this man of yours. I know that I have no say in your love life, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t care. I trust your judgement in people, but it would still make me feel better to get to know the other people in your life.”

“I’ll ask, but he’s not obligated to say yes,” Barry finally gave in.

He thought that that would be the end of it, but then Joe had to ask, “Does he make you happy, Barry?”

A few days ago (or months ago, at this point), Barry would have immediately said ‘yes, of course he does’. It still seemed like that was the right answer, but suddenly at the same time it all felt so needlessly complicated. But he needed to say something before an awkward silence stretched out that he wouldn’t be able to come back from. “Yeah.”

There was a pause, like Joe was waiting for him to say more, but then he just sighed. “Well good. Tell me what day works for you two. I’ll see you tomorrow at the station.” 

It was a few more hours still until Len returned home, a strange look on his face. There was no sign of the cold gun, and Barry wasn’t sure whether he was glad for that or not. “Everything alright?” he asked in an attempt to sound normal.

Len blinked once, like he was somehow surprised to find Barry in their apartment. Maybe he’d just gotten too used to being alone while Barry had been stuck sleeping for nine months. “You-” he stopped, and then frowned. Barry didn’t try to move closer to him or say anything, he just waited silently for Len to continue. “There’s something very strange going on in this city,” he murmured. “People doing things that they should not be able to do. For instance, a person who can move so fast that they can stop a bank holdup in a matter of seconds.”

He had a pensive look on his face, and Barry tried to quickly decide whether he should bother to look surprised or not. The words were right on the tip of his tongue, to admit that he’d been the one who ran that fast, but then he got scared. Not that Len would ever hurt him, but that maybe he’d think it was the last straw, and that he could not be with Barry if Barry was going to get in the way of his heists. So what came out instead was, “Joe wants to have us over for dinner.” 

Len blinked a few times, clearly thrown off by the sudden topic change, but then he quickly scowled and shook his head. “That would be a colossally bad idea, and we both know it.” 

“Do we, though?” Barry had had his doubts earlier, but now he suddenly felt like he’d never wanted anything more in his life than to have a nice dinner with some of Barry’s favorite people. “You haven’t been taken in in years, so whatever picture is in your file is going to be out of date. Not to mention that Joe probably doesn’t go around memorizing the faces of random criminals anyways.”

Len looked unmoved. “You eat with the Wests all the time. Why is it suddenly so important to you that I be there too?”

Barry bit his lip as he carefully thought about the answer to that reasonable question. “I love both of my parents, you know that, but my dad was a doctor who was busy a lot, and I spent a lot of time at the West house, with Iris and Joe. And after everything that happened, Joe was supposed to be- I mean, he was nearly my dad, and I-”

“But he wasn’t,” Len cut in. “He left you to those rotten assholes even after you told everyone what they were like.”

It was strange, because Barry was used to being able to read Len so easily, but right now he couldn’t for the life of him figure out why Len was getting so worked out. Surely this wasn’t just about a dinner invitation, right? “Well, if it hadn’t been for that, I never would have met you,” Barry offered in a light tone. 

He expected Len to grin and make some kind of comment that would probably be equal parts sappy and raunchy, but instead he just took a step back and crossed his arms over his chest. “Maybe that would have been for the best.”

Barry felt like he’d just been punched in the gut. “What? You don’t- What are you saying? That you don’t want me in your life? I know that it wasn’t easy on you when I was in that coma, but I’m back now, and if you don’t want me here, then-”

Len whirled around to slam his hand into the wall, but Barry didn’t even flinch. “Dammit, Barry, you know that’s not what I mean!” He reached up to scrub his hand across his face, and then dropped his arms down so that he could look directly at Barry, jaw clenched and shoulders full of tension. “Do you really think a suit that shows off everything is going to make you unrecognizable after how long we’ve been together?”

Oh. Barry gulped once, but forced himself to stay calm. “So- what? Is this about me interfering with your hold up? We can work things out so that I won’t go to where you are, I’ll just focus on other crimes, and I-”

Len let out a long sigh. “Did it ever occur to you for even a second that you could use this incredible power for breaking the law? I saw you run off. You could be in and out of anywhere before the alarms even go off.”

Barry shrugged. “Wouldn’t that take away some of the fun of it?”

He waited with baited breath as Len slowly moved closer to him, and then reached up to gently touch the side of Barry’s face. “You aren’t cut out for this, Barry. I’m not saying that you aren’t an amazing partner in crime, or that you aren’t a wonderful CSI or son or friend or anything. But having to deal with all of those different sides of yourself… well, that’s too much for anyone, even you. I’m so greedy that I was willing to watch you stretch yourself until you snapped just so that I wouldn’t have to let you go.”

Barry reached up to press his hand over Len’s. “You don’t have to. I can find some other day job, or-”

Len pulled his hand away. “You’re a good person. You wouldn’t have chosen this life for yourself if you’d had another choice. You’d have finished school properly, and gotten accepted into some fancy university, and you’d be able to introduce your boyfriend to your friends without having to worry about anything other than if they’ll get along. You deserve more.”

“Shouldn’t that be my choice?”

Len smirked, but Barry could see right through it. “Maybe. But for once in my life I’m going to not be so selfish.” 

Barry frowned. “Stop. I’ve committed just as many crimes as you; I’m not some pure, innocent person. Maybe I want to be selfish. Maybe I don’t want you to go.” He reached out, but Len moved further away, back to the door. “If you don’t want to be with me anymore, then I get it, but you can’t just walk away if you still-”

And Barry was probably the fastest man alive, but he’d gone the majority of his life living under the assumption that if there was one universal truth in the world, it was that Len would never hurt him. So he didn’t react when Len yanked the front door open, and he didn’t react as Len took a step out into the hallway. If he had, he would have been able to move out of the way before his entire body was encased in cold.  
,,,

If it weren’t for his newly discovered super healing, Barry was pretty sure he’d be dead. As it was, he couldn’t move, and it felt like his entire body was being scraped up against a block of cement. His lungs burned because even with his face uncovered, his chest couldn’t expand to take in enough air. His phone was in his pocket, so there was no way for him to use it to call for help (not that he’d want to invite Cisco or Caitlin here anyways, when it was still technically one Len’s safehouses). 

Eventually, the ice melted just enough that Barry could start to vibrate his entire body. It sped up the melting a bit, though he couldn’t go nearly as fast as normal. Once he was too exhausted to keep going, Barry was able to shuffle back and forth until he unbalanced himself enough to go crashing to the ground, and ice shattered out from all around him. 

Barry didn’t even have enough energy left to shiver, and he just curled up into a ball on the floor. Later, he’d pick himself up and clean up the mess, but for now he just stayed there, wishing desperately for something that could warm him up. If only Len could be the normal kind of asshole that broke up with someone via text, rather than attempted murder. 

It felt like several years passed before Barry forced himself to get up, and even though it wasn’t as fast as he was capable of, he started running around to try and warm himself up. When he started to feel a little bit less like he was dying, he trudged into the bedroom, but then paused in the doorway. All of Len’s things were gone. Sure, there were still some clothes and odds and ends, but all of the important things, the things that Len had always wanted in their home instead of in a safehouse, were gone. 

There was no way to mistake the past few hours for a dream, but if there had been, then this would be the much needed wake up call to tell Barry the truth. Len was gone. And yes, Barry could run around the entire city until he found him, but what would be the point? 

He couldn’t sleep in that room, though. Not now. He zipped to the store to buy a new phone, since apparently being encased in ice for a while hadn’t been good for his old one, and after switching over his number and powering it on, he saw a few missed texts from Lisa and from Mick. Both of them were along the same lines, asking why Len had been in such an angry, destructive mood. Barry couldn’t answer, though. If he kept using his new power to be a hero, Len would tell his friend and sister that it was Barry, and then they wouldn’t want to talk to him anymore.

So Barry reluctantly headed to STAR Labs. It was late enough that there was no one around, so Barry flopped down onto the couch in the break room, and stared up at the ceiling, unable to fall asleep. He still felt shivery and sluggish, but more than that, he felt unbearably unhappy. His entire life had tumbled down around him, and it was all because he’d been hit by that stupid bolt of lightning.

**Author's Note:**

> Len did not think he would kill Barry with the cold gun (and he was right). Doesn't make it better, but just wanted to say that.


End file.
